What I am Doing Right!

Well, today it doesn't feel like a lot, which is the best time to write this so I can remind myself that all is not lost.

-I did a triathlon on the weekend.  Sure it was a Try-a-Tri, but I did it!  Swam 100m, biked 11 km and jogged/walked 2 km.
-I ate cottage cheese with blueberries and pecans for lunch today.
-I made a veggie stir fry last night with green beans, cabbage and asparagus to eat with our pork chops.
-The kids and I went on a reduced sugar diet for 2 weeks, no added sugars, no juice, no pop, no candy, no chocolate, no syrup... I caved only once, until yesterday.  Part of why I need to do this post now.
-I did some gardening - picked weeds and planted new plants - felt good to be outside and get natural exercise.
-I shaved my legs... does this count... it should!
-I bought a new CO2 for my Soda Stream, for making sparkling water, so now I am drinking water again.

So, I can do good things, I just have to remember that.  I will try not to be so hard on myself and forgive myself for caving on the sugar (2 days before we were done).

Growth Mindset

Here I am months later and I still don't have any of my questions answered, but I also haven't given up.  I did a search at the local public library and put a bunch of books on hold.  Now every week or so, I get an email telling me that I have a book waiting for me.  This week it was Bob Harper's, as in The Biggest Loser Trainer, Skinny Habits - The Secrets of Skinny People and I have to say it is grabbing my attention more than anything has in awhile.

First off Bob tells it like it is, because he has worked with SOOOO many people who are trying to lose weight and he has seen their struggle.  He talks about the cycle: Slip, Shame and Binge and I had never heard it put into terms like that.  Anyone like me knows what he is talking about... we try to go on a diet and eventually blow it, then feel bad about it and end up wallowing in more food and feeling more guilt until we give up on ourselves again.  I liked this, well obviously I don't like it when this happens to me, but I felt like there was actually a name for this cycle I have and I am not the only one who does this and... low and behold this is normal AND Bob says we can do something about it - okay, I'm in!

Then Bob talks about The Growth Mindset, which hooks me again, because as a teacher this is a very trendy idea.  We are constantly trying to convince students in our classes that they can change their mindset - that they can be good at Math or like Math if they try to. We make Math games and do hands on Math and finally convince them Math isn't so bad (until next year when they get a teacher who only gives textbook work - shoot me now - oops - sidetracked)  Anyhow, I figure if I can try to change the minds of my own students, why can't I change my mindset?  Maybe because I know just how stubborn I really am or maybe because I feel like it can't be changed... but Bob says it can be done, that he has seen it done and that I can do it too, if I only try to change a few habits.

So, I'm going to read the rest of this book.  I am going to consider that I am capable of changing some of my habits.  Maybe only slowly, maybe only a few at a time, maybe only from worst possible option to slightly better option in some cases - BUT I can still change some things for the better and I plan to!  

Life as I know it!

Been there, done that!  Every time I think about trying to lose weight that is what comes to mind.  After so many times, you get to the point where your internal self says: you know it won't last, you've tried that before, why will this time be any different?, save yourself the time and energy... yada, yada, yada!  BUT then my mind says the reverse: If you don't try you'll end up being 400 lbs, this time will be different because.... My crazy self goes back and forth and I am at a point in my life where I do not know what will happen or what will work.  Sometimes I just feel like giving up... allowing myself to simply watch Netflix all day, eat Peanut Butter all day, not this natural crappy stuff I have been forcing myself to eat for years, but the kind I can lick right off the spoon.  I wonder what it feels like to let go of all the worry and not to think about EVERY little thing before you do it?

I've got friends, neighbours, colleagues and from my viewpoint their life looks perfect.  I mean if I didn't have to worry about my weight - I don't think I would have any problems, well not real problems anyways.  But since I do have friends I know this is not true - everyone has something they worry about or think about or stress about - we just all do it in different ways, about different things to different levels.  It's taken me a long time to realize, I am not the only one who lives like this.  I do however have to remind myself of that, because it is easy, REAL easy to judge everyone else and make it seem like they have it all.  I think my mind is finally starting to realize the only person stopping myself from having it all is... ME!  Now I just have to figure out how to believe in myself enough to make it happen.

That is how this blog came about.  It is my journey to self-discovery - who am I really?  What do I really want to do?  Do I really want to sit around and eat PB all day or have I convinced myself that is the only thing I am worthy of doing?  I know my mind is VERY convincing, but when I deep down try to be truthful with myself, I know I am worth it, YET there is still something stopping me from making the right choices - hence my title.  I really think life comes down to each decision you make and I often choose to make the wrong one, the easy one, the lazy one... most often the decision that will make me feel bad - now the only questions is WHY, do I do that?